Esther speaks to a man struggling to live a life he can enjoy. He feels wracked with guilt over a troubled history with his birth mother and her life of suffering. She was unable to raise him, but now she needs him to be there for her. He questions what he owes her for the life she gave him.

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple with two small children are at physical and emotional odds in their relationship. One has given herself over entirely to the children, while the other struggles to find her place within the family dynamic. She yearns for the physical closeness she once had with her wife, while the other is, as she puts it, “all touched out.” Esther encourages them to see their different roles as mutually beneficial and stresses the importance of “feeding the relationship” away from the children.

When couples come to Esther, she works to help them find a path forward if they so choose it. But when one partner refuses to walk the path, there is profound sadness and grief there. In this Behind the Scenes, Esther sits down with her producer Jesse to debrief after a session that left her feeling like the couple's story didn't need to end that way.

After 20 years together, they wonder if their marriage has run its course? She is too unhappy to stay together and doubts if she ever felt true passion for him. He is holding onto the relationship for the both of them and refusing to truly hear her. Esther explores his desire for hope and her desire for change.

How do you begin to define a new identity for yourself when you've left the comforts of the world you've known in search of a bigger life? This is what Esther helps a new mom of two figure out as she navigates a new country, new friendships and a new approach to big changes. How to not put the pressure of everything on your partner and try to build a community to support YOU.

He was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his caregiver, ready to jump in when she senses the old traumas are rising. This has often meant sacrificing her own needs as an individual, partner, and lover. With Esther's guidance they start the practice of re-orientating themselves away from a hyper-vigilant state, toward a more sensual partnership in which she too is taken care of.

Why do we marry? And how do the best marriages work? Social psychology professor and relationship scientist, Eli Finkel, explains the history of how marriages have changed over time, what we look for in modern marriages, and how a drop in other significant relationships in our lives has put a huge pressure on our spouses and marriages. This episode is part of a longer conversation that Esther and Eli had on her membership platform Sessions, where Esther hosts conversations with colleagues in and around the mental health space. For more Eli Finkel: https://elifinkel.com/allornothingmarriage.

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A new marriage and a young child—both are first-generation children of immigrants, bridging the divide between an American childhood and an Indian cultural heritage. The moment sex was no longer forbidden, it became deeply uninteresting for one of them. Is something bigger getting in their way?

They're best friends and ER doctors at a small hospital. During the pandemic, they experienced a fracturing among their coworkers, who they once thought of as family. After one of them develops an autoimmune disease that renders her immunocompromised, she begins to wonder why her coworkers can't prioritize her safety. This episode was recorded after the Omicron wave in 2022 for Esther's podcast How's Work that explores conversations between colleagues, business partners, and peers.

Last spring, Esther spoke to a man who was trying to forgive himself for the pain he caused his wife and son when he left the family for a woman at work. After getting engaged to his new partner, he had regrets and wanted his old life back. Now Esther checks in on him after a summer spent carefully reconnecting with his ex-wife and learning to manage the guilt and shame.

He fell in love with someone at work and left his wife. Fast forward a year, he's engaged and realizes he's made a mistake. Now he wants his wife and his life back—but even if she takes him back, he tells Esther he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy.

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A young family, a ten-year age difference, and a wife who used an extra-marital relationship to find independence. After an affair, the choice to forgive and rebuild doesn’t wipe away the pain and the betrayal. Esther guides this couple on their path towards reconciliation and trust a year after the discovery.

Ira Glass has created over 800 episodes of the genre-defining radio show and podcast This American Life. Each week on the show he weaves together stories around a central narrative theme and he never shies away from the big hard questions. But after almost 30 years of producing the show, he's asking himself and Esther, Is this it? In this conversation for Apple subscribers, Esther and Ira question what could change look like and what if this is it?

Esther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her personal life more than she realized.

When a tragedy shakes their church and their community, both the preacher and his wife try to put the pieces back together for themselves and his congregation. This is the second part of a special two-part episode. This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening.

She has never quite fit into the mold of the preacher's wife in their small town. He has put his self-worth solely into his career, as a bandaid over deep-seated childhood insecurities. They have never been able to come to terms with the resentment they both experience. This is the first part of a special two-part episode.

Esther is not one to play favorites when it comes to her sessions BUT when pressed she would tell you the ten couples whose stories stayed with her these past few years. In this WSWB behind the scenes Esther and her producer (Jesse) curate a list of must-listen-to couples for you.

In this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her romantic relationships. And because of it she has found herself single, time and time again. Esther talks her through the question she came with about her brother, "If you really understood and loved me, why would you choose her?"

This episode is a classic session of Where Should We Begin from season 1. They're grandparents, with a 40+ year love story and a stable, happy marriage. But one of them had quite a few secrets. Now, with everything out in the open, they’re hoping Esther can help them work through some of the residual shame, guilt, and pain.

A woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the constant roller coaster of emotions she's used to, she wonders if there’s something missing. Or is there something wrong with her?

What happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an emotional affair after 10 years with her partner. She has since found herself alone and devastated by her own actions, unable to forgive herself or move on from the pain that she caused.

In this Apple Subscriber bonus, Esther invites her colleague Terry Real to evaluate her work. In this supervisory session, Terry offers his professional perspective to a caller's problem. Listen in as Terry shares how he would help a man who wants a long-term relationship despite sabotaging every relationship he's been in. For more information on Terry Real visit https://terryreal.com/.

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple, together a decade, with three young children. He reached out because a year after the discovery of his affair, they aren’t fighting anymore, but they certainly haven’t moved on. Esther’s not convinced they’ve ever really been able to hear each other. Can they recover from this? And do both of them really want to?

They knew each other as kids. He grew up in a house where love was never a guarantee. She had the seemingly perfect family, and all the love in the world. They've recently begun a romantic relationship as adults, but still can't seem to find their footing and separate themselves from their vastly different histories.

It's been six months since Esther spoke to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. A lot has happened in the last few months since that initial call.

In this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. 

He donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered this own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret.

Friendships are their own love stories. Our friends provide continuity in an ever-changing world. They accompany us through the trials and tribulations of lovers that come and go, job changes, family rifts, births, deaths, and recoveries. And in the case of Neil Patrick Harris it's his 50th birthday that has brought friends from all the corners of his life together—which as he tells Esther can bring with it some anxiety too. In her new Apple Subscription Esther is joined by the actor and Tony Award winner Neil Patrick Harris for an intimate chat. 

Join Esther in conversation with sexual health author, trainer, and psychotherapist Douglas Braun-Harvey as he explains his approach to sexual health and what is widely referred to as "sex addiction." This episode is part of a longer conversation between Esther and Douglas from her professional training platform Sessions, where Esther hosts salons with colleagues in and around the mental health space. For more sessions like these go to https://sessions.estherperel.com/.

As a subscriber to Where Should We Begin, we wanted to bring you behind the scenes into how we make the show. In this episode, you'll hear Esther getting briefed for an upcoming couple therapy session where Esther helps a couple who is questioning their role in the lives of children whom the husband donated sperm for.

We first met them three seasons ago in the painful aftermath of an infidelity. She was diagnosed with an STD during a routine visit to her OBGYN, leading to the revelation that her husband had been visiting sex workers. Four years later, they’re still together, but old wounds persist.

In this latest episode of Esther Calling, we meet a young woman looking for advice on how to stand up for herself in a fraught and traumatic relationship with her mother. She worries the trauma and violence she experienced in upbringing is dictating how she responds to authority figures elsewhere in her life.

In this episode of Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there.

Esther says in this session, “a love story is between two people, a marriage engages an entire community of people. “ Here we see how that plays out when the relationship in question is the result of an affair; when it means the dissolution of two prior marriages and the breaking up families. How does this couple write their own two-person love story when there’s "an entire community of people" with a stake in the plot?

He prides himself on being an empathic confidante to his friends…but is it to a fault? In this episode of Esther Calling, we meet a man fed up with being the container for his friends’ relationship woes. But, he wonders, can put up barriers without losing the intimacy of those friendships?

She longs for a child, but her partner isn’t there yet, and as a trans woman she already faces other barriers to parenthood. She worries she’s letting her partner’s indecision dictate her own future happiness. She and Esther navigate the delicate dance between exerting her own wishes within the relationship, without letting the pressure shut down the conversation altogether.

When Esther first met with them two years ago, they’d recently opened up the marriage. At the time only she had ventured out, and after a lifetime of feeling her sexuality wasn’t her own, she felt an awakening. But at what expense? Her newfound freedom seemed to result in his misery. This time around, they are both exploring elsewhere, but the subject of their non-monogamy takes a backseat to other foundational stories within their marriage.

He’s in a new relationship and wants it to be exclusive, but he can’t get a read on his partner's feelings. It’s hard for him to have an open honest conversation about his needs without feeling weak, especially when he’s met with silence from her. Esther encourages him to feel confident in his vulnerability and to not mistake having needs for “neediness”.

What starts as a story of sexual incompatibility and a difference in life goals for these two women, takes a wildly unexpected turn during this session. Esther finds herself witness to a fantasy ritual unlike anything she’s experienced before in her work.

They were married, divorced, and then married again. And with four kids between them, tensions run high. They fight about everything: the chores, the cats, who gets to tell who what to do. They come into the session with one story and Esther helps them write an alternate version.

Her new boyfriend’s wife died four years ago. Reminders of her are all over his house, from her clothes in the closet to her photos on the wall. It makes the caller feel uncomfortable and inadequate. She wonders if there’s room in his house — or his heart — for her.

In another episode of Esther Calling, he worries his desire for a serious relationship is putting women off. But early in their phone call, it becomes clear to Esther that he’s talking about a particular woman from his past. He describes his feelings for that woman as “intense”, whereas she was more ambivalent. Esther and the caller explore the question: when is yearning for someone’s unreciprocated feelings more about pride and getting what you want than it is about that other person?

As Esther says, love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are. But when one partner grows up as the child taking care of his mother is it any surprise that he experiences the romantic needs of his partner as a repeat of that same responsibility rather than an affirmation of love.

She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might only be three people in this session, but Esther realizes she needs at least more chairs for the in-laws whose voices and opinions are always playing in the background of this marriage.

You are invited to an intimate evening with Esther Perel. In place of this week's session we gather for a few rounds of Where Should We Begin, A Game of Stories. Over the last year to curtail the loneliness and isolation we all felt, Esther and team created a game out of the questions you often hear her ask on the podcast. So please come play a few rounds with her anonymously, of course.

Before they got together, he identified as straight and they identified as gay. What does it mean to make space for their queer identity while they date a straight man? And is that possible as they move into a more serious phase of their relationship?

For the first time on the podcast, Esther invites a couple back to her office for a second session. 10 years ago, his first wife took her own life. A year later he met his current wife and she became an overnight stepmother to four children. Three years after they first spoke to Esther, she asks them what has changed? Have they been able to revive and sustain their love despite all of the obstacles?

In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didn't know quite where to begin. This session was recorded in collaboration with NPR's Invisibilia and a sibling episode with Esther can be heard on their podcast this week as well.

In this second episode of Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels she is losing her best friend. The caller feels that her friend is rushing into a marriage to someone she doesn’t approve of. During the call Esther talks her through a new way to see their relationship and where to go from here.

As a way of being able to connect with more of you, I am trying a couple of new things. Esther Calling is one of them. You write to me with a relationship concern and I call you to talk through it. These are not full sessions but conversations that I hope lead to many more after we hang up. This time there is no couch, but instead an unexpected phone call from Esther to a woman who is struggling with the differences between her and her partner's upbringing. He grew up in a comfortable suburb, she grew up having less, much less. She loves her boyfriend but wants to get past the resentment she feels towards the opportunities he’s had. Esther helps her think through how these differences might also play into new strengths between them.

Listen to the incomparable therapist Esther Perel counsel real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal, and complicated details of the conflicts that have brought them to her door. This season Esther speaks to a constellation of new relationships: A couple wrestling with the guilt they feel over the happiness their infidelity created. Another trying to make space for their queerness in an outwardly appearing hetero relationship. A set of friends trying to sort out if their childhood friendship needs to continue into adulthood. And Esther checks back in with couples from seasons past to see where they are now as she creates a space for us to hear our own lives and struggles articulated in the stories of others. So....where should we begin? Seasons 5 episodes begin November 4, 2021.

They've been on and off for almost 20 years. While she takes care of his and their child, she wants to know that he's also there for her. He's been battling depression for years. And the shame that comes with it.

Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity and blame on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's perspective. Programming note: This conversation was recorded after the COVID-19 lockdown.

They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing, and family trauma. Their marriage was sen as taboo, and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell.

Bipolar, infidelity, open relationships: they're stuck in a world of loaded words. Her friends are convinced she should leave, but she doesn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 pandemic.

They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college and immigrated to the U.S. together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them longs for more freedom. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

He's been stepping out on the marriage for years. She had enough. And finally wants to know is he in or out?

Four years in, she can't admit she's attracted to her girlfriend, and her family still doesn't know.

They met as religious teenagers and married as virgins. It’s the age old story -- once you’re allowed to be intimate, you no longer want to be. Deciding to open the marriage has brought about huge changes in their sex life, and ruptures in their emotional one. Esther guides them towards a new conversation without labels.

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In the fourth and final episode, she speaks with a couple in Lagos, Nigeria. Last summer they left everything they'd built in Seattle for a dream opportunity to expand his company and be closer to home. As the threat of COVID-19 reaches Nigeria the couple must decide if they leave and walk away from everything or risk staying.

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In this episode, she speaks with a couple in New York City. Two weeks before COVID-19 forced New Yorkers to shelter in place, they filed for divorce. Now they feel trapped.

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In this episode, she speaks with a couple in Bavaria, Germany. While others might complain about the close quarters, this couple hopes to find themselves in each other again.

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In this episode, she speaks with a couple in Sicily, Italy. They left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together.

After a discovery in her doctor's office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she still feels a desire to stick it out for the sake of the kids. He, meanwhile, is desperate to find a way back to her. Esther takes them back to their upbringings and the years before the infidelities to find a place of mutual compassion.

A husband and wife met while deeply committed to the evangelical faith and didn’t kiss until their wedding day; for her, that kiss felt like “kissing her brother.” Esther gets creative in an effort to help them create a new sexual relationship.