In This Relationship What Is "I" and What is "We"?

Click here to view this episode's transcript.


In this episode of Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel, we meet a same-sex couple in their 20’s. The two, who've been in a relationship for a decade, left the violence and poverty of the Dominican Republic together and moved to the United States. The pair coexist beautifully, yet friction arises when one desires more time apart than the other. 
Can they remain strong as a couple despite growing differentiation between them?


What to listen for in this episode of Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel. 

  • It is a core task of all relationships to negotiate the boundaries of separateness and togetherness. Have you worked to create literal and metaphorical ‘space’ in relationships?
  • As a direct result of the painful experiences they’ve endured, both men have grown to be extraordinarily resourceful. Can you identify ways pain you’ve experienced has facilitated your becoming more resourceful, too? 
  • Esther points out what’s initially attractive to us in a partner because it’s ‘different’ often becomes a source of conflict for that same reason. Have you felt this shift in a relationship dynamic?
  • Laughter as a way for pain to become palpable is discussed during the episode. When this exchange occurs it’s the listener who feels the pain the speaker is pushing aside. Have you experienced this ‘taking on’ of sadness from another?
  • Esther suggests the couple implement nights off from the relationship as a way to practice safe separation and letting go. Do these ‘away without worry’ evenings sound like something you’d try?

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