Letters from Esther #71: Work Friendships Matter More Than You Think

Shall We Begin?

Work friendships are a unique kind of companionship. They are forged inside the structures and pressures of labor and performance. What makes them profound is not necessarily how much colleagues “know” us, but how we show up for each other:

• loyalty in strained moments
• recognition when the labor is unseen
• honesty when the stakes are high
• relief when the load is heavy
• perspective when we lose our way
• protection when we need a witness
• support when things are tough at home
• collaboration, because we know it makes the work better
• comedic relief, as much as possible

ON THE CLOCK

These friendships are not always easy, but they are essential. They are the quiet scaffolding that holds us up in our work and, sometimes, in our lives. Many of us spend more of our waking hours with our colleagues than we do with our own families. I know, it’s shocking. Eight hours a day really adds up.

BEYOND THE JOB

Not all collegial relationships, however, take place in a daily structure, especially as career spans grow longer and we move from job to job more frequently than previous generations. Some colleagues stay with us for life, long after we’ve both moved on from where and how we met. These “forever colleagues” remind us that work friendships are not bound by office walls, nor a particular company or position, nor a chapter in one’s life.

OUTSIDE THE OFFICE

In my profession, I try to gather these work friends at least once a year at my annual conference, Sessions Live. This is not only where we catch up; it’s also where we learn from each other. It’s where we look at the year in review: what topics are coming up in our offices, how the mental health field is changing, the ways we are growing, and the places we feel stuck.

Mental health providers spend the majority of their hours listening to and helping patients and clients. This gathering is where we come together to listen to each other, share our big ideas, and tell our stories, some of which happen to be deeply personal. Over on my podcast, Where Should We Begin?, I am highlighting three work friends whose presentations at Sessions Live earlier this year exemplify for me why it is so important to intentionally gather outside of the normal work channels and get into real life together.

You’ll hear:

• Paul Browde, psychiatrist and narrative therapist, share a deeply personal story of secrecy, HIV, and stigma—and how telling the truth became his path back to aliveness. He reminds us that pleasure is not indulgence but part of healing, and that clinicians also need spaces to reconnect with their own vitality if we are to guide our patients toward it.
• Nedra Glover Tawwab, therapist and bestselling author, break down the language of boundaries, which has become all too distorted in popular culture. She shows us that boundaries are not exits but bridges—a way to preserve connection in imperfect relationships.
• Julia Samuel, psychotherapist and grief expert, bring us into the paradox of grief. She reminds us that grief does not begin with death but with love, and that to block pain is to block joy. She places Eros and Thanatos—the life force and the death instinct—side by side, teaching us that clinicians must help people oscillate between loss and restoration, pain and possibility.

Click here to tune in.

DOING THE WORK

Together, their talks form a mosaic of what it means to practice therapy today: to witness, to negotiate, to carry grief, and to insist on aliveness. Listening to them, I am reminded that our work is not meant to be done in isolation. It is sustained by the friendships we form with one another, the colleagues who walk beside us and remind us that “doing the work” is not just solitary but relational.

So I want to ask you: Who are your work friends? Who are the colleagues who push your thinking, who sit with you in the aftermath of a difficult situation, who help you hold what can’t be carried alone? I’d love to hear your stories of work friendship. Write to me at info@estherperel.com.

If you’re interested in attending Sessions Live 2026, join the waitlist to get first access to early bird tickets when they go on sale. Each year, the talks on stage are profound—but it is the community in the room, the conversations in the hallways, and the friendships that form between us that make the experience transformative. I hope you’ll join us.

Let’s Turn the Lens on You

Think of your colleagues, present or past, as you consider the following superlatives. Who’s most likely to:

• Catch your typo in the shared doc
• Save you from sending that ill-advised message
• Translate a cryptic email
• Drop the perfect meme or GIF in the chat
• Remind you to take a lunch break
• Make the spreadsheet actually readable
• Find an elegant solution to an absolute disaster
• Be asked for mentorship
• Ask the brave question in a big meeting

Now, hand out your awards. Send one person a note of appreciation—or better yet, share this exercise with your team and compare lists.

More from Esther

LISTEN TO WHERE SHOULD WE BEGIN? ON APPLE PODCASTS | tune in

Tune in to hear psychiatrist and storyteller Paul Browde on secrecy, truth, and aliveness; bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab on why boundaries are bridges, not exits; and psychotherapist Julia Samuel on grief as love in motion. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for ad-free listening, bonus episodes, and exclusive behind-the-scenes content.

ENJOY 20% OFF ESTHER’S CLASS ON MASTERCLASS | learn more

Step into the classroom with Esther. As a Letters from Esther subscriber, you get 20% off a MasterClass membership—including full access to Esther Perel’s acclaimed class on relationships, plus 200+ more classes from the world’s most inspiring minds.  

JOIN US FOR SESSIONS LIVE 2026 | join the waitlist

Each year, Esther brings together her colleagues for multiple days of transformative conversations, community, and connection at Sessions Live. Sign up for the waitlist to get first access to early bird tickets for Sessions Live 2026—before they open to the public.

Conversation Starters

A compendium of highly recommended sources of inspiration and information

TO WATCH:

• 9 to 5, the 1980 cult classic film, stars Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Dolly Parton as three coworkers who transform office drudgery into friendship, solidarity, and rebellion. A sharp, funny comedy about the power of work friends.

TO READ

• “The Magic of Your First Work Friends” by Emma Goldberg (The New York Times). From cubicle gossip to career-shaping mentorships, this piece explores how early workplace friendships can crystallize who we become—and how it’s still possible in the era of hybrid work.
• “How to Make—and Keep—Friends at Work” by Belinda Luscombe (TIME). Smart, memorable, and instantly useful, this article gives you real tools for navigating the messy overlap of friendship and work.
• “How to Make Friends Across Age Gaps at Work” by Jeff Tan (Harvard Business Review). Entering the workforce can be daunting, especially when you’re collaborating across five generations. This article provides practical tips for building connections with older colleagues, from vetting team culture to cultivating mentorship.