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You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
You can also be single and still feel deeply held.
The difference, often, is friendship.
This spring, we focused a lot on dating—the highs, the lows, and the ways to breathe life into an experience that, for many, has become an exhausting merry-go-round. Swiping. Matching. Picking. Planning. Clicking. Ghosting. Sometimes you really fall, deeply. And sometimes it just fades, strangely. If you decide to try again, it’s easy to get back on the ride. And it’s good to try again, via apps, singles nights, parties, clubs, blind dates, you name it. There are a lot of options for finding connection.
The problem is: when you’re surrounded by (or swiping through) so much possibility for romantic connection without actually connecting to someone, it can be a terrible, lonely experience. But you have to remember: you are not alone.
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
To anyone experiencing deep loneliness around a lack of romantic connection, know this: not having a romantic relationship does not mean you are “not in a relationship.”
You are likely in many relationships. One of the most important connections in life is the connection we have with our friends, and not just when dating is hard or after a big breakup. The beauty of having friendships lies in the quiet, everyday miracle of being known—and still loved. Friendship is a layer cake of connection, full of the ingredients that make life rich, such as:
GOING DEEPER INTO FRIENDSHIP
This summer on my podcast, Where Should We Begin?, we’re taking a journey through the love and heartbreak of friendship. Each episode has its own characters, plot points, and insights, but taken together, it’s a patchwork of joy and grief, secrets and advice, listening and holding. We’re kicking off with something very different—and deeply personal.
My friend, Trevor Noah, has been hosting some of his “favorite people” on his podcast. I’m honored to be on that special list of friends, and I’ll be including our conversation on my own podcast as well. We talk about our lives with a depth and candor I rarely engage in publicly. But with a good friend, opening up is easier, more fulfilling. I am happy to do it with Trevor.
And I am happy to go even deeper into the topic of friendship all summer long. Listen in to hear friends navigating hard conversations in my office as well as some of the best advice and storytelling from my own friends. Plus, if you subscribe to my podcast on Apple Podcasts, you’ll hear a very special conversation I had recently with a new friend: Orna Guralnik, the clinical psychologist you may recognize from Showtime’s Couples Therapy. Along with Jesse Baker, executive producer of Where Should We Begin?, we shared our experiences of taking therapy from behind closed doors to center stage.
Enjoy 20% off your annual subscription.
If you like what you hear, consider sharing the series with a friend—old or brand new. Talk about it together. Share some laughs and maybe even some tears. We guarantee you’ll find new connections all summer long.
Take five quiet minutes. Grab a notebook, your voice memo app, or just pause for a mental check-in.
Step 1: Name the Relationship
Think of one friend—not your partner, not your family member—who has made you feel deeply seen.
Step 2: Remember the Moment
Recall a time when that friend reflected you back to yourself, created space for joy, or helped you remember who you are. Write about that moment. What happened? How did you feel? What did it mean to you?
Step 3: Reach Out
Before the day ends, send a message to that friend. It doesn’t need to be long—just something simple. If you’d like, you can use this script:
“Hi, [Name]. I thought about that time we [insert memory]. It made me feel [insert feeling]. Thank you for being someone who really sees me.”
That’s it. One memory. One friend. One small act of connection.
SUBSCRIBE TO WHERE SHOULD WE BEGIN? | claim your discount
Subscribe now to enjoy 20% off your annual subscription. When you do, you’ll unlock bonus conversations—including a special episode with Orna Guralnik from Couples Therapy—and behind-the-scenes insights from Esther and her closest collaborators. Discount automatically applied. Offer valid through July 31, 2025.
EXPERIENCE “THE MOST INSIGHTFUL CONFERENCE OF THE YEAR” | register now
Time is running out to access the complete replay of Esther’s two-day annual conference, Sessions Live 2025: Mating in the Metacrisis.
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Plus, you’ll experience a clinical supervision panel with Esther, Zach Taylor (Psychotherapy Networker), Dené Logan (MFT), Alexandra Solomon (Clinical Psychiatrist), and Vienna Pharaon (LMFT) inside the recording vault—but only for a limited time. Replay access ends soon.
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I believe that the quality of our relationships at work determines the quality of our work. From my new card game to my Masterclass to my limited podcast series, How’s Work, my suite of workplace offerings are designed to help business owners, managers, and team leaders improve team dynamics and transform their work culture.
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