One of the new rituals of commitment is deleting the Tinder app. “I’ve deleted my Tinder app” is the new “I’m going to be with only you.” It’s one of the new rituals. It just is.
Consumerism has entered relationships. A lot of this creates the paradox of choice. To have choice is wonderful. To have too many choices can be psychologically crippling.
By definition, choice and commitment implies loss. You choose something, you lose something. In our culture the paradox of choice is such that people have become loath to lose anything.
But people are not products. What you choose is not the best, it’s simply what you choose. And therefore it is what you want. It’s not the best. It just is. Choosing requires you to have agency. You can’t just leave everything to the other to enlighten you and turn you on.
There is this idea that the other person has to be so phenomenal that you don’t want to look anywhere else. This fantasy that there is someone out there who is so extraordinary that he/she is going to make you stop looking. That he/she is going to curb your temptations. No. You are going to curb your temptations.
Yes, there could be something more and better out there. But looking and waiting for that makes you crippled. You are living with a chronic disappointment. A chronic displeasure. If you’re constantly wondering if this is the best relationship, then you must ask yourself: What have I done to make it the best relationship lately? Because it’s your responsibility too.