The hidden story of male sexuality is that men depend a lot more on the woman. I think that because we so often think that men just want sex and we have decided that for women it’s an emotional internal complex experience, we completely misunderstand how much male sexuality is internally driven. The insecurity, the depression, the lack of self-esteem – all of these are relational factors of male sexuality. Male sexuality is just as female sexuality – internally driven and a reflection of how they feel about themselves. But I would go even a step further – which is that male sexuality is even more dependent on the partner when it is with a partner, which is why so many men would rather not be with a partner. Not because they don’t want to be with a partner and because they don’t want to have to think about another person but because it is so painful for them and so much easier to be alone.
Men are more dependent on their partners, especially on women, and they are more generous sexually. They like what they’re doing to her. It is the opposite of their social role. Whereas women, who are caretakers of everybody else in their social roles, in order to be able to be sexual need to be much more self-focused, the opposite of the emotional role that she’s in. Therefore, I would say female sexuality is a lot more narcissistic. Women don’t get turned on by seeing him turned on; women get turned on by seeing herself turned on. It’s a reflection on her. Seeing him with a hard-on is really not what does it for her. But how his hard on indicates that she is really hot will do it for her. This is one of the primary reasons why women are bored with monogamy much sooner than men. But they don’t present it like that. Their boredom presents as they are tired, that they have headaches, that they have no desire for sex, that they need to be close first. No, they’re basically not turned on because it’s narcissistically not reaffirming to be with the same person who wants you anyway. It’s not that women don’t want sex because they’re not feeling emotionally secure, they don’t want sex because the monogamy is much more boring to her.
